if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
