farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
