piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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