What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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