I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
