Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
