1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
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