Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
