just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
