it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
