True but thats because hes a fetus.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
