A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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