Dual....:-)
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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