Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
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