apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
