are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
