I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
third nipple confirmed
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
