i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
i think my cat just said my name.
And then my night got REAL pukey
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
