you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
