the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Duck Duck Cougar?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
