When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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