you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
