We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
