I wannas sexs uuuuu
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
