Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
