Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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