I think i peed on brittanys purse
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
