You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
