she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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