Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
