I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
