Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
