dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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