Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
