...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You pole danced in your parka.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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