the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
if i can run in heels then i can drive
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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