My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
