Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Only a mothe r could love this liver
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
