i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
