community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
