ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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