I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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