True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
