end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
