ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
We are all done wearing pants today
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
