Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
