How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
