I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize