He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
