She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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